


Behind Those Eyes Of Blue

by Curnin_Orzabal



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Arnold is the best bestie ever, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Kevin confronts his demons, Kevin is not perfect, Post-Canon, Slice of Life, Songfic, sadfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-26 05:02:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4991260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curnin_Orzabal/pseuds/Curnin_Orzabal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elder Price stumbles on Elder McKinley at a bad moment, but fails to be a friend when he should be.<br/>He also has a new baby nephew, and a better friendship with Arnold than he'd ever imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind Those Eyes Of Blue

Behind Those Eyes Of Blue

It had been three weeks since Elder Kevin Price had returned from his mission, and home was starting to feel like home again. The streets actually paved! and smooth! The neat, earthy pastel-colored houses all in a row, resting along gently curving suburban streets. The bright white spire of his local LDS stake, four blocks down and three blocks to the west. The grocery store. The sporting goods store. His old high school, the park with its mixture of grasses and cactus...  
And this was the first morning he had not needed body lotion. After having gotten used to Uganda's steamy jungle air, he found the air back in Utah positively parching. _I felt like a lizard, shedding my skin._

In a way, Kevin had been shedding a skin: the closing of that chapter of his life. Mission over, two years left till graduation... or one year, if he wanted to double up on classes. Of course, spending all his time in class would take from that _other_ form of business, which his parents had just started to _wink wink, nudge nudge_ him about... finding a steady girlfriend and getting engaged.  
It was really a draw which was the better option, anyway. And he didn't need to make a decision just yet. So he put it out of his mind, now; and let himself enjoy his time back home. He'd never realized how much he'd missed the clear bright sun, the mountains outside the city, the brisk dry wind. 

Plus, Jack and Abby, his wife, had just had their first baby back in April; and they were all coming over tomorrow afternoon. It was to be the first time little Aidan would pay a visit to his daddy's old childhood home. In the volumes of pictures Kevin had seen of his new nephew, he'd thought the boy had his eyes; Jack insisted he'd inherited Kevin's personality. _Oh great, another generation of doughnut disasters. Just stay away from the maple ones, Jack._

Kevin got behind the wheel of his trusty old steed, his black Toyota Camry, to go for another drive. _Yes, Jack... get chocolate ones, powdered sugar ones, ones with sprinkles. Anything but the maples._  
He wasn't sure where he'd go. He'd already been downtown, and to the main Mormon temple, and to the zoo. Maybe he'd go up to the mountains for a bit. Go to some quiet place and look out over Salt Lake City; and thank Heavenly Father for sparing him and the others, for allowing them to stay in Uganda and not be sent home in disgrace.

At the first red light, Kevin checked his cell phone. He'd missed a call from Arnold Cunningham this morning. He wanted to wait to call him just yet; he was still debating whether to invite Arnold to see Aidan tomorrow. He wasn't in a particularly sociable mood right now, and tomorrow would be one non-stop family reunion; so he would call his best friend back when he felt good and relaxed.  
Which turned out to be ten minutes from now, on the first major intersection into Bountiful. Arnold picked up, enthused as ever, and raised his voice in delight when Kevin said he could come over tomorrow and meet his new family member; but said he might be late "because of, you know, those zombie drivers. "  
Kevin knew that it would be more likely Arnold would be held up by rewatching Star Wars yet again or hanging out too long in a Lord Of The Rings chatroom, but he decided not to rub it in.

 

At nearly one o'clock, Kevin was by now crossing the Ogden city limits. And Arnold was still talking. "Yeah, I'm still going out with Natatorium," he said. "She doesn't live _with_ me, but she's got the apartment a few doors down from me."

He still couldn't get Nabulungi's name right, but Kevin declined to correct him. "So what's she doing again?"

"Going to Salt Lake Community College. Once she gets a certificate in something, she'll probably transfer. She'd like Weber State, but she'll go anywhere that has a four-year degree."

 _Weber State... funny, I'm right near there now_ , thought Kevin as he made his way through the streets of downtown Ogden. Made his way with the speed of a snail on sleeping pills, for it seemed every Utahn and their dog was right here, crowding streets and sidewalks and every other available surface. Kevin glimpsed groups of people carrying portfolios, a ten-foot-tall wooden sculpture of a cowboy being hoisted upright... there appeared to be an arts festival going on. As frustrating as being stuck in this mess was, he wasn't in any kind of hurry; and he _did_ like to people-watch, so he might as well sit back and enjoy the ride.  
It seemed like Nabulungi's kind of town, cheerful, colorful and exciting; he hoped she would get to go to Weber, and hoped Arnold would take her there on a date.

"You still there, Kev?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Just stuck in traffic, and kind of daydreaming." He didn't really want to tell Arnold he was this far from his home.

"Boy, that's a really big thing, your new baby nephew coming over to see you. How old is he again?"

"About seven weeks."

"Wow! That's tiny. I can't wait to see him. Thanks for inviting me." Then Arnold paused before saying, "Thanks for being my best friend. Again."

"You're welcome, Arnold."

"Have you heard back from any of the others yet?"

"No, not yet. I really haven't done a very good job of keeping in touch with them, actually."

And Kevin hadn't. He just wasn't in the habit of hanging out with old mission buddies after their work was done. (Well, except for Arnold; he was different.) His father had not done it either after his own mission. In the Price family, It was kind of understood that your mission was for Heavenly Father, and lifelong friends were what college was for.  
(Besides, Dad was married to Mom because of his mission, indirectly. He'd gone to Greece and absolutely fallen in love with the food: what set Kevin's mother apart from the other girls he'd been dating was that, among other things, she made a great moussaka.)

Presently, Kevin broke free from the downtown traffic jam; smiling now that he was making progress, letting Arnold do the talking again, as usual. He was passing a shopping center at two major intersections when he looked to the side, and found what he'd been craving--Starbucks. _No one here should recognize me; school's out for the summer and Abby's family lives in Layton, not Ogden; so what's a little caffeine?_ He pulled into the parking lot and put on a pair of sunglasses. _Just to be safe._

"What are you doing now, Kev?"

"I'm going to indulge in a little sin."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, I'm going to Starbucks."

Arnold guffawed. "You're such a Mr. Perfect. Coffee is okay according to the Book Of Arnold, you know."

"I know. I'm just messing with you."

Kevin ended up ordering a green chai latte. He had a soft spot for those: they made him feel like he was having his cake and eating it too, splurging on himself while still being a good Mormon. And he turned around, Arnold continuing to bend his ear through the phone. Kevin took a few steps toward the door... and froze.  
Something familiar off in the middle distance... too familiar. _That red hair... that face, that pale skin_... It couldn't be him. Or could it?  
Kevin oh-so-carefully took a few steps closer. _It is._  
He took a deep breath. _It's Elder McKinley._

"... Kevin?" He realized the lull in the conversation had gone on too long for Arnold's liking.

"Oh? Oh! Yes, I'm still here, Arn--" Then he thought better of it, and quickly stepped outside. "I think I'd better let you go. My battery is going down." 

"That's okay. I've got some work to do, anyway." Arnold paused before saying, "Can't wait to see you tomorrow."

"Oh, me neither," said Kevin. "See ya." And he hung up and slipped back inside the Starbucks. Slipping off his sunglasses, he bought a newspaper and another chai latte, then took a seat where he could watch McKinley as unobtrusively as possible.

His former district leader was alone, and looked distinctly hangdog. Slumped shoulders, downcast eyes, a solemn frown on his lips instead of that smile which had once been ever-present. Even though it was a beautiful, sunny June day, McKinley was a little rain cloud. His whole being seemed to be dulled and greyed. Then Elder McKinley opened his eyes, and Kevin felt a small piece of his heart sink. Even his eyes seemed to have turned a little grey.  
_What could have brought him to this?_  
McKinley wasn't at home, for starters... as Kevin recalled, his former district leader was from West Valley City. And even having their district shut down by the Mission President hadn't shaken him like this... he'd been in pretty good spirits up through the end of his time there... No, something happened back at home. And Kevin had a sinking feeling he knew what it was. Who knows what his parents were like... or how they took it when their son, once and for all, decided to stop turning it off.  
Kevin glanced back at his newspaper so as not to be staring at McKinley too long. _Was he really brave, or really stupid?_

The redhead took a swig of his frozen drink, and his whole body shivered.  
Kevin made up his mind. _I'm going to talk to him, darn it._ And he got up, took a few steps toward his old comrade, watched as McKinley's head remained down until he was standing right at the edge of his small table... watched the other man flinch, and snap his eyes upward...  
And Kevin opened his mouth to find himself completely mute. Not even a "hello", not even a smile... nothing.  
McKinley's eyes widened in surprise, though the blue was shadowy as ever.  
Inside, Kevin panicked.  
"Uh--" was all McKinley managed to get out before Kevin was out the door. He wasn't ready for this. It was a mistake to have driven all this way. He wanted to go home.  
And that he did, high-tailing it for the interstate, hoping McKinley hadn't gotten his license plate number.

*~*~*~*

That evening, he was too busy tidying up the house in preparation for Jack's visit, to worry about anything else. 

"Just wait till I get married," said his sister Emily as she grabbed the bottle of lemon furniture oil from her brother and squirted a generous amount on a dusting cloth. "It'll be like this all over the house, and the banquet hall, and probably the church too..."

"Yeah, who oils furniture anymore? I feel like I'm back in Victorian times." Kevin, right ahead of Emily, removed the dust from the top of the china cabinet in one stroke.

Emily took his place with her oiled cloth. "Believe me, if Mom could get silverware that was real silver, she would. And we'd be polishing it every day."

An hour later, after having dusted every surface in the living room, Emily vacuumed the carpet while Kevin loaded tomorrow's dishes in the dishwasher.  
"Hey Mom? I did tell you I invited Arnold too, right?"

"Your old mission companion?"

"Yes."

"The complete Star Wars freak?" said Emily, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, _you're_ all into Doctor Who. Don't laugh," said Kevin.

"But Doctor Who is _better_ than Star Wars." Then she said, smirking pointedly at her brother, "And you're crazy into Disney." Before Kevin could retort, she went on: "And Matt Smith is very, very single."

"He's also not a Mormon. In fact... I think he doesn't believe in God at all," said Kevin.

"Awww... really?"

"Really."

"Darn it." However, Emily stepped very close, so that their mother was out of earshot, and whispered: "I don't care." Then she swept upstairs, feeling her work done.

"So yeah, Arnold's coming tomorrow too. You've never met him, have you Mom?"

"No, I don't think so. That means he hasn't tried my moussaka!" his mother beamed.

"Nope, that he hasn't," said Kevin. "Once he does, he'll really become a member of the Price clan." He liked his mother's signature dish; he'd just had it way too many times over the years. 

"Anyway, I can't wait to meet your friend. Even if he is, as you say, a goofball."

"He's actually been the most successful missionary our district has ever had."

"Oh? Then I _really_ can't wait to meet him!" said Mrs. Price.

*~*~*~*

A few minutes later, Kevin was tidying up his room, for he was counting on Arnold wanting to see it. At some point, and feeling rather bored, he turned on his clock radio. Some of his high school friends had had really strict families, not letting them listen to any music that wasn't Church-approved; but luckily his own parents only forbade explicit lyrics. The DJ announced "a soulful little tune from Paul Carrack" before letting the music take over.

_I want to know, how does it feel_  
_Behind those eyes of blue_  
_You've made your mistakes and now your heart aches_  
_Behind those eyes of blue_

  
The tune was haunting, the words made Kevin pause. An image of Elder McKinley sitting alone in the Starbucks crept into his mind, and decided to stay there.

_People may say you've had your chance  
And let it slip away_

  
Kevin felt a twinge of shame lance through him. Remembering how he'd chickened out and left without talking to McKinley. And worst of all: allowing McKinley to notice him, to recognize him first; and then running away.  
 _He looked the worst I'd ever seen. Like the life was drained out of him. He looked as bad as... as bad as me. That's the way I looked in Uganda, when I'd lost my faith._  
He didn't have McKinley's phone number or email address, and he wasn't on Facebook. The only contact he'd had with his old district leader was a chance meeting in a strip mall Starbucks forty miles from his home. And he kicked himself for not overriding his embarrassment, for not staying behind to talk to him.

_Maybe once in a while there's a trace of a smile_  
_Behind those eyes of blue_  
_But it's painfully clear there's a river of tears_  
_Behind those eyes of blue_

  
He had to pick a song about blue eyes, didn't he.  
How McKinley used to smile. Sure... it was usually the "official Mormon smile", the essential ingredient to suppressing negative feelings of all stripes. But every once in a while-- especially after they'd bounced back from the humiliation of being excoriated by the Mission President-- Kevin would see a real smile from his district leader poke through. And it was a joy to behold: those blue eyes lighting up from within, his face softening with real hope and optimism.  
And whatever had happened after McKinley had returned home, had extinguished that light.

_I bet his parents found out he's gay. That had to have been it. ... Oh, why didn't I stick around and talk to him? He's probably completely alone, and needs a friend..._

_He should find a counselor,_ said another, more hard-nosed side of Kevin.

 _What if he can't afford one?_ answered back Kevin's soft-hearted side. _Especially if his parents kicked him out, he can't exactly be in the money..._

Once the song ended, Kevin turned off the radio, closed his eyes, and wiped away a tear.  
He couldn't do anything now, and certainly not tomorrow. Hopefully things weren't as bad for McKinley as he'd been imagining. Hopefully he was just lonely over breaking up with a boyfriend, or something. Maybe that Steve he'd been talking about, had done something cruel to him. Anything that was better than the worst-case scenario he'd first thought of. Anything at all.  
Renewed with the help of that other Mormon standby-- good old-fashioned wishful thinking-- Kevin got up, pronounced his room tidy enough, and walked downstairs.

*~*~*~*

The next afternoon, there was a short summer storm that dropped a little bit of rain over Kevin's neighborhood, and the sun poked out from the gray clouds just in time for the SUV belonging to Jack and Abby to pull up across the street from the Price family house, and try to find a parking space among all the other vehicles present.

Aidan was fussing a bit as Abby lifted out his car seat. "He got a little upset because of the rain and lightning," she said. "I'm glad to be here where he can calm down!"

"Oh, let me see him!" said Kevin's mother, jumping to be first in line to see her new grandson, Kevin's father right behind her. After everyone else-- Kevin's grandparents, Abby's parents and brother, Emily, and Kevin's other sister, Chandra-- got a look at the baby, it was finally Kevin's turn.

And his initial reaction was a double-take. _Red hair._ Like Abby's. But also like...  
"His hair..." was all he could say.

"I know, isn't it something?" said Abby. "He just had peach fuzz all this time, but in the last couple of weeks it really started growing!" She hugged him close. "Looks like he's going to have my hair and Jack's eyes. He's going to be very handsome." She picked him up and turned to Kevin. "Do you want to hold him?"

"Yeah? Sure," said Kevin, taking the little bundle from her. He looked at Aidan's face for a minute, Jack stepping up next to him and saying: "I think he takes after _you_ , actually. He already knows what a mirror is, and he likes what he sees in it. And he thinks he's king of the house."

"What? Stop it," said Kevin. "I'd slap you if my hands weren't full." 

Jack grinned. "But seriously, Abby's right... he's going to grow up to be one good-looking kid." He reached down and stroked the little tufts of red hair.

"Abby... what's his middle name?" asked Kevin.

"Thomas. Like my dad," said Abby.

 _Not Connor,_ said Kevin to himself. _Good._ As he handed Aidan back to Abby, he thought he felt himself shiver.

At that moment, an old turquoise Toyota pulled into the parking space behind Abby and Jack's SUV. As soon as Kevin saw the gold Ring of Power hood ornament, he knew exactly who had arrived. Seconds later, Arnold popped out of the car, breathing hard from excitement. "Hello! I'm Arnold Cunningham. Is this Kevin's house?" he boomed.

"Yeah! Yeah, you've come to the right place," said Kevin, moving over quickly to keep things from getting too awkward. "Thanks for coming."

"Did I make it on time?"

"You actually did. Congratulations."

*~*~*~*

"Boy, I can't wait till that kid's big enough to hold a lightsaber," said Arnold, piling his plate with food from the buffet-style setup in the kitchen. "Just think of his first Halloween, him in a Yoda costume!"

"Or he could be Darth Vader. Let me warn you."

"Yeah..." Arnold trailed off and took another bite of moussaka. "Wow, this is great!" he said with his mouth full.

"My mom made it," said Kevin. "She makes it for _everybody_ who's a guest for dinner at the Price house. I've had it... oh, I don't know, a million times."

"Your mom's a _great_ cook."

"Try her kebabs and spanakopita, those are good too," said Kevin.

"I laid the phyllo sheets for that," piped up Chandra. "You know how hard that is?" Arnold was too busy sampling to answer her. 

After dinner, some of the Price family got out the board games, but Kevin and Arnold stayed in the other room with Jack, Abby and Aidan. At one point, Arnold asked to hold Aidan; and Kevin tried his best to conceal his apprehension.  
_Stop that. You're not being fair. Just because Arnold's weird, doesn't mean he isn't good with kids._ And indeed, Arnold was surprisingly graceful at holding the tiny baby, smiling at Aidan and watching him smile back.

When Kevin took his nephew into his own arms, he felt suddenly very awkward. _People may say you've had your chance, And let it slip away..._  
_I should have made myself talk to him. I should have..._ He felt tears fill his eyes and a lump come up in his throat.

"Kevin!" said Jack. "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing," said Kevin, coughing. "Here, Abby, why don't you take him back." He swallowed, smoothed back his hair, and said, "I just thought about something. About my mission, memories, you know." 

"Must have been a very important memory," said Jack. 

Kevin swallowed again. There, the lump was gone for now. "Yes. Yes, it was," he said. Then he got up and walked out of the room. "Hey Arnold? Can I talk to you for a second?" 

"Sure." Arnold got up and followed Kevin out the the backyard, where the sky was the midnight-blue of almost-night, and they were alone. 

The lump was back. So were the tears. Kevin wrapped his arms around himself and tried to stop himself from crying, but he failed. 

"Kevin! ... What's wrong?" 

Kevin didn't answer at first. The song from earlier roared in his head, matching perfectly the expiring sunlight and the deep tones of the sky. He closed his eyes, and the dampened color of McKinley's filled his field of covered vision. He snuffled and snorted, giving up on trying to push his feelings down, just letting them run their course. Finally, after the longest sixty or ninety seconds of his life, Kevin took a deep breath and composed himself. "Do you have a Kleenex?" 

"No, but I have a napkin," said Arnold; and Kevin took it gratefully, blowing his nose and not caring that his face would smell like marinated chicken. 

"Now... what's going on?" 

"Um... Arnold? Are you free tomorrow?" 

"Yes. Why?" 

"We've got to go to Ogden, both of us." 

"Ogden? Why?" 

Kevin took an even deeper breath. "I saw McKinley up there. And he looked in really bad shape." 

"McKinley? You mean our old leader?" 

"Yes. The same." Kevin steadied himself and looked Arnold dead in the eye. "I was up there yesterday. I just happened to bump into him at a Starbucks. And something... something terrible has happened to him, I just know it." 

"Did you talk to him?" 

"I tried. I just... I just... couldn't." Kevin wrapped his arms around himself again and squeezed his eyes shut, but this time no tears came out. 

"You mean that's why ...?" 

"Yes. Yes," said Kevin, folding into himself and scrunching his face up even more. "I'm so ashamed. I had a chance to help him, and I failed." 

"Can't you call him? Or email him?" 

"No. I don't have either." Kevin paused before asking, "Do you?" 

"I don't know... I might have his email address... but I lost touch with him and everybody else after we got back home. Except for you, of course." Arnold turned away for a minute, then faced Kevin again. "Hey, this is why you had to cut our call short the other day, isn't it?" 

"Yes." 

"Why didn't you tell me you'd seen McKinley?!" Hurt crept into Arnold's eyes. 

"Oh no. No, Arnold... I just didn't. OK? I didn't even want to tell you where I was, I just wanted to be by myself. Oh God... I'm sorry..." Kevin turned away as a fresh wave of self-reproach broke over him, this time for insulting his friend. 

"Kevin?" 

"Oh my God... I've been so selfish." Kevin wished a hole would open up in the ground below him. "You know, I didn't have a hell dream last night. I had a hell daydream today. I was listening to a song... and everything just hit me." He gulped before saying, "I'm not much better than that coward I was when I walked out on you." He felt Arnold's hand on his shoulder, but waited a few minutes before turning around. "I'm sorry." 

"It's all right," said Arnold. "Look, I'll check to see if I have his email address. I'll call you later tonight, whether I do or don't." 

"And if you don't?" 

"Then we go to Ogden tomorrow. You drive, because you remember where the Starbucks you found him is at." 

Kevin didn't answer, and Arnold continued: "You know, it might be a good idea to hang out anyway. Just so we can talk. Like about how it feels to be an _uncle_ now." 

"Wow--" Kevin ran a hand through his hair. "Time's going by so _fast._ I feel like Jack is light-years ahead of me. And my parents are going to really be jacking up the pressure for _me_ to find The One and settle down." He groaned. 

"Not ready?" 

" _So_ not ready. Not looking forward to it, at all." Then he looked meaningfully at Arnold. " _You're_ farther along at that than me! You've got Naba." Arnold started to speak, but Kevin held up his hand. "Let me finish. Forget romance-- I think I need to learn a few more things about friendship first. I think today was the first time Heavenly Father has scolded me when I'm awake. He's telling me that I need to appreciate my friends better than I've been doing. I've been a bad friend, Arnold. To you and to everybody else." 

"Well..." said Arnold, "Not to be cliché, but we all make mistakes, and that's just something to work on." 

Kevin smiled, in spite of himself. "So, about McKinley?" 

"I'll call you at midnight," said Arnold, and he proved it by setting the alarm on his phone. "I should know by then whether I have his email. If I don't, off we go tomorrow. If I do... well, it's up to you if we want to go see him in person. Deal?" 

"Deal." Kevin shook his friend's hand. "You know... I did another bad thing. I almost didn't invite you over tonight." 

"Really?" 

"Really. Now I can see, that would've been a terrible decision. You saved my day." He gave Arnold a grateful hug. "Now I just hope we can save McKinley's day tomorrow." 

Arnold smiled once they pulled apart. "You know, I think you're really growing up." 

Kevin laughed. "Coming from the grown man who plays with lightsabers." 

"Coming from the grown man who loves Disney princesses." 

**THE END**

**Author's Note:**

> All of Kevin's family (except for Jack) are my characters. Everyone else belongs to Parker, Stone, and Lopez.
> 
> The song is "Eyes Of Blue" by Paul Carrack; and is one of the most poignant ones I can think of.
> 
> I think Kevin's mother in this story is of Greek descent herself.
> 
> Utah is the nerdiest state in the country according to [this link](http://blog.estately.com/2014/04/the-nerdiest-states-in-america/). So Arnold with his multiple nerd obsessions would not be at all unusual-- in fact, that would be one of the more normal things about him! And, of course, I made Kevin's sister Emily a big nerd in her own right, for Doctor Who and Matt Smith. :)


End file.
